If you want to improve your life, work on yourself. If you want to improve your relationships, work on yourself. If you want to improve your love relationship, work on yourself. Find ways to improve your thinking, as well as your behaviors. Get feedback or look at the feedback you have received from others as a way to begin your change. Listen to and review your partner’s complaints about you and you will discover easy avenues for change. Examine your own disappointments and goals and begin climbing out to soar into success.
I’m not suggesting you forget about circumstances, others’ misdeeds or your partner’s mistakes, weaknesses, or failings. Just set them aside or ask the other to work on herself or himself. Keep your focus on yourself because that truly is all you have control over – all you can possibly change.
If you focus on yourself you can easily move off blame, anger and hurt. Take responsibility for what you need and want, and go after it. Make the beliefs you hold in top priority to be about your positive values and positive successes. Keep your attitude positive; keep your thoughts and words and actions positive, kind, thoughtful, and courteous.
You might be angry with another or your partner, but you can change your focus to your own needs and successes. Spend your time and effort changing the way you think and behave. Then your feelings will change. Your intentions and goals will come more and more into reality. If you are happier with yourself, you will also be happier with others and other aspects of your life.
You may alter your expectations. You may look past things that once bothered you. You may deem some things not important. Your understanding may increase. Your empathy may blossom and your acceptance magnified.
Skills to Practice
Here are some steps you can take to improve yourself. Practice and learn these positive psychology skills to improve yourself. In turn, they will make you a better partner in any relationship, especially your love relationship. These are well researched and are proven to increase your happiness and well-being.
- Learn from the past and feel at peace with it.
- Get the lessons from the past and be grateful for what you have learned and
- Feel, think and act with gratitude.
- Express your gratitude daily.
- Keep a gratitude journal, adding items several days a week for 6 months.
- Accept change.
- Write or say what you are grateful for or state your blessings daily.
- Write or share 3 good things a day and why they are good looking at the cause gives insight and regard.
- Give compliments and share appreciations daily to those around you.
- Take the VIA questionnaire.( https://www.viacharacter.org/www/Character-Strengths-Survey )
- Carry around your top 5 signature strengths and use them regularly.
- Know your partner’s top 5 strengths and carry them around.
- Figure out how you will use your strengths to accomplish your goals and action plan.
- Use the top 5 strengths in a new way.
- Keep your strengths in your journal and list the strengths that others compliment you on.
- Spend more time socializing.
- Strengthen your closest relationships.
- Develop an outgoing, social personality.
- Be a better friend.
- Work on a healthy personality.
- Lower expectations and aspirations.
- Develop positive, optimistic thinking.
- Value happiness.
- Become more active.
- Become involved with meaningful work.
- Get better organized and plan things.
- Develop your “present orientation” or be in present time.
- Learn to meditate.
- Reduce negative feelings.
- Stop worrying. Use an image of a stop sign and say STOP 3 times. Then think about something else.
- Save your worrying until a certain time each day and give yourself 5 minutes to worry.
- Create positive self- beliefs through cognitive retraining.
- Be comfortable being alone with you.
- Limit TV watching.
- Limit electronics use.
- Take good care of yourself physically – eating, drinking, exercising, checkups.
- Develop flow and engagement in personal interests, passions, and activities.
- Be financially responsible for now and the future.
- Create more meaning in your life.
- Have goals for the year and work on them regularly.
- Have a 5-10 year plan for long-term goals.
- Do your most important priorities early in your day.
- Retreat yearly.
- Visualize your future self.
- Use a Treasure Map or Vision Board to help attain your goals.
- Do acts of kindness for others regularly.
These activities will make you happier and improve your well-being. If you have
encouraged others in your life to do some personal growth, they will be changing also.
Of course, if your partner is doing the same thing, focusing on himself or herself for change, the two of you are in the process of creating a more mature, accepting and loving relationship.
The next steps for you as a couple would be to express your emotional connection, deepen your friendship, and improve your communication surrounding conflict. We’ll take a look at these practices next time.
Best of Success for your Happiness and Well-being…
Meanwhile, try your success at several of the suggestions for personal development above. If you want help in achieving more happiness and well-being, email me, text or call me at 702-242- 4222.