Affair Repair is difficult and requires exceptional skill!
If only you could realize the consequences before you enter into an affair. The betrayal and emotional devastation is enormous. The disconnection is deep-seated and trust is broken. You will have a lot of work to learn about yourself, develop skills, and put your behaviors into real acts of loving to repair the damage.
Affair repair is about maturing and earning your doctorate in relationship and the art of loving. You are required to reconnect when it is the most difficult of circumstances to do so. If you thought it was hard to connect emotionally before the affair, just wait until the trust is ruined and try reconnecting. Healing and being resilient are part of the very serious business of personal and relationship growth. Affair Repair is extremely difficult – arduous, complicated, complex, distressing, painful…
Affairs begin so easily when one or both partners feel emotionally distant from the other and they are not communicating nor taking action towards getting their needs met for connectedness and intimacy. Primarily women have affairs because they need the emotional connection and men have affairs because they want sex or the conquest.
What it Takes to Heal from an Affair
Repairing the relationship after infidelity takes much self-awareness – knowing what you think, feel and want. You will develop an intimate knowledge of yourself and learn how to comfortably share yourself with your partner. You will mature and understand your motivations.
As a couple you will develop the ability to manage conflicts in your relationship. This is the key to successful relationships. Differences and tension are inevitable and being able to talk about these with one another is essential. You will learn how to listen, have a curiosity about your partner as opposed to judgement and how to share your experiences and feelings in an open, honest, non-destructive way.
When couples can discuss their differences with respect, calm emotions and a synergistic attitude, they are able to begin working through the negative aspects while remaining in touch with the positive, loving aspects of their relationship. The work takes a reduction of negative and an influx of positive thinking and actions.
As a couple you want to find ways of being honest about what you want from your partner. Ask for what you want. Reach for understanding. And take actions on your options and solutions. Negotiate when you have to, but don’t stop. Working through your differences and needs takes a lot of practice.
Couples who do this work also spend time developing the positive experiences that makes them “best friends”. They discover interests and activities that brought them together and establish practices to develop kindness, loving, sexuality and connectedness that opened up their love in the beginning.
Doing the Healing Work Can Create a Better, Happier and More Fulfilling Relationship than Before
I have worked with 15 couples in the last two months who have had emotional and/or sexual affairs. It is devastatingly sad to see couples who love each other struggle through the stages of healing and recovery. It is also very rewarding to see them mature, take ownership of their weaknesses and faults, develop communication and relationship skills, and heal from the heartbreaking experience of an affair.
They discover how to take care of their individual needs as well as those of the relationship. Each partner goes through intense personal growth and then learns how to truly love the other, working as a collaborative team. Couples who rebuild their relationships after infidelity usually create intimacy and happiness that is better than what they had before. Those couples who commit to this work stay together because they are happy and fulfilled.
Statistics About Affairs
Studies in the last 5 years show that 50-54% of women and 50-60% of men engage in affairs at some point in their relationships – married and other long-term. Here are a few more statistics to think about before you add yourself to the list.
- Percentage of marriages that end in divorce in America: 53%
- Percentage of “arranged marriages” (where parents pick their sons or daughters spouses) that end in divorce: 3%
- Percentage of marriages where one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional: 41%
- Percentage of men and women who admit to having an affair with a co-worker: 36%
- Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity on business trips: 36%
- Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity (emotional or physical) with a brother-in- law or sister-in- law: 17%
- Average length of an affair: 2 years
- Percentage of marriages that last after an affair has been admitted to or discovered: 31%
- Percentage of divorced men and women who marry their lover: 3%
- Percentage of marriages between the infidelity partner and lover that end in divorce: 75%
- Percentage of men who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught: 74%
- Percentage of women who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught: 68%
With the divorce rate climbing higher mostly every year, the cheating and infidelity in relationships has increased dramatically in the last 25 years in the Unites States. I want to encourage you to not take advantage of affair opportunities that abound in our society and not look outside your relationship for sex, emotional connection or love. Fix what you have and avoid the heartbreak that accompanies every emotional or physical affair.
Call me at 702-242- 4222 or email me if you want help with an emotional or sexual affair.